The first night in the cardiac ward was pretty good. E let the nurses know they weren't getting anything for free. I got some sleep - but I'm not craving noise like I was yesterday! So as I sit with E in the early morning light, looking out over Lambeth palace gardens I have decided to write a post that will no doubt bring a tear to my eye. You have been warned.
E's Nan made a request that she had Angels by Robbie Williams played at her funeral. I'm not a fan, but there was no question we would play it for her. Now that song holds a very emotional response for me. But for some reason the song spun round my head yesterday as I was able to relax a little about E. Here's a little bit about what came with it, which may not fit with your beliefs.
There are a lot of people who made E's family what it is, who he never met. They never got the joy of his smile or the cuddles. But I think they may be some of the most important people in E's life.
I envisage a group of guardian angels just for E. If I'm honest, I think he needs them. I see them organised by F (a brilliant family man who I only knew for a short time but whose spirit lives on in my boys adoration of their cousins). A would offer some muscle and make sure no one took themselves too seriously. There are too many to mention here.
Special mention though goes to my Mum, E's nan. I have always told my boys about nanny Y, and that she is an angel. I tell them she would have loved them very much and know she would enjoy the challenge of another generation of boys!
So what is her role in this army of angels. In my head she's right there with E when I can't be. In my head she hold his hand and strokes his head when I can't be with him. She keeps him safe when he most needs it. A wonderful carer to all her boys when she was with us I find comfort in the idea of her giving him peace in his hardest times.
On a happier note, E's favourite nurse is back and he's started to make friends with her a little bit (he stole her calculator!). More importantly, E's mum is close and promises coffee!