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Sunday, October 9, 2011

Dark Days and Sleepless Nights

Yesterday marked 3 months since we were formally notified of Ethan's diagnosis.  This has made me return to my blog which has been neglected a little - and makes me think i need to return to the original purpose for setting it up - to help me - to give me a vent.

I have recently been having some very dark days, filled with fear of what the future will bring - and as much as I tell myself to worry about the here and now and let the future worry about itself.  However, I am a planner, i am always looking at what needs to be in place in order for other things to happen.  Of course with C, this is easier - we have planned his entering school, we have decided on the school - we have put financial planning in place to fund his education to whatever level he wants to take it.

In my head I cannot justify not doing the same for E, he is just as much my son - however deep down i then start thinking about the support he will possibly need, the fact he may never leave home, the fact we may need to make alterations to our house for him, the fact that what we had planned is now not really relevant.

This, along with the start of the cold season and the accompanying sick children makes for a very grumpy me.  Better days are coming, i know that and i am just trying to get through to then.  Next week we go to the UK conference - and we will look into the seminars on financing, and probably just take the time to speak to other families and realise again.... we are not alone.

Be back more frequently in future....